Welcome to the Theater

Aniara (2018) dir. Pella Kågerman & Hugo Lilja

A Swedish film that came out in 2018 based on the 1956 epic poem by Harry Martinson. The film follows a transport ship, the Aniara, carrying passengers to a colony on Mars after Earth has become uninhabitable due to climate change. Early into the journey the ship is knocked off course and it's steering system damaged by space debris. Unable to turn around, the inhabitants of Aniara slowly realize they'll someday die on the ship. With hopelessness at its core, Aniara is a very bleak story given moments of life by the wonders of space and the horrors of it's emptiness.

Kairo (Pulse) (2001) dir. Kiyoshi Kurosawa

A Japanese horror movie about the isolation of the modern world (at the time) and the way technology plays into it. The movie starts with a large cast of characters that dwindle as the story progresses, leaving the audience feeling more and more alone in an empty Tokyo. Kiyoshi Kurosawa's style flourishes in absence, in the space between scenes and abandoned buildings, imagery of red taped off rooms and the haunting presence of ghosts. The internet is a link between life and death, and there is not enough space in death for everyone to rest peacefully.

"No matter how simple the device, once the system's complete, it'll function all on its own and become permanent. In other words, the passage is now open, that's how it looks."

Akira (1988) dir. Katsuhiro Otomo

What can I possibly say about Akira that hasn't been said before? That's why all I can say is go watch it right now.

Return of the Living Dead (1985) dir. Dan O'Bannon

This is my favorite zombie movie of all time for 5 years in a row. It doesn't take itself too seriously but isn't careless with the story or characters either. If you love zombies give this one a shot just for that. Fast paced and witty with a weight behind it to ground it from time to time. 10/10.

Everything Everywhere All At Once (2022) dir. Daniel Schienert + Daniel Kwan

Mad God (2021) dir. Phil Tippett

There's a lot more poop in this movie than you'd expect. A brutally stylistic masterpiece.

Malignant (2021) dir. James Wan

Both a very stupid and awesome movie, I'd say go ahead and watch it if you like action horror. It's very silly but seems to be tongue in cheek. The chair toss is worth it alone. It's so brave for a 2021 movie to go the 2000s route of putting in a big Matrix fight in the last act.

Parasite (2019) dir. Bong Joon-ho

This movie is crazy.

The Lighthouse (2019) dir. Robert Eggers

I love this movie. I had to plug my ears the whole time because it was so loud I felt like it was gonna crack my eardrums. If you've ever wanted to know what an A24 farts joke movie would be like, this is your chance. This movie is stylized in a very cool way and reminds me a lot of Eraserhead, and not just because both movies are in black and white. Watch them back to back to see what I mean. Also I like when Willem Dafoe has tentacles.

The Shape of Water (2017) dir. Guillermo del Toro

The way you can tell if a movie is about to change your life is if it shows in the smallest screening the theater has and if the only other people watching are a couple of senior citizens.

This was the second Guillermo del Toro movie I'd watched, the first being Pacific Rim, but this is the movie that made me fall in love with his style of filmmaking. I love the soundtrack, the sets and costumes are beautiful, and Doug Jones is wonderful as the amphibian man. Pan's Labyrinth is my favorite GDT now, but The Shape of Water was it for a good handful of years.

Moonlight (2016) dir. Barry Jenkins

Mad Max Fury Road (2015) dir. George Miller

Pacific Rim (2013) dir. Guillermo del Toro

I love this movie. When it came out I saw it so many times in theater that I got sick of it and couldn't watch it for a period of like 4 years. That's how you know a movies good.

Rubber (2010) dir. Quentin Dupiex

It's about a sentient tire going on a murder spree. What more can you want?

How To Train Your Dragon (2010) dir. Chris Sanders + Dean DeBlois

Sunshine (2007) dir. Danny Boyle

Oopsie... The sun is going out! In this movie, a bunch of people must fly a bomb into the sun and they still believe they're making it back from this mission alive. Now that's what I call optimism! I really like this movie despite it being kind of awful. I don't want to spoil it, it's terrible in a really fun way.

Pan's Labyrinth (2006) dir. Guillermo del Toro

I've watched this movie 3 or 4 times and every time I watched it I found something new to appreciate.

Little Miss Sunshine (2006) dir. Jonathan Dayton + Valerie Faris

The ultimate chicken soup movie to me. Always makes me feel better by the end.

Brokeback Mountain (2005) dir. Ang Lee

Spider-Man 2 (2004) dir. Sam Raimi

Spider-Man (2002) dir. Sam Raimi

Signs (2002) dir. M Night Shyamalan

I picked this up at the thrift store and was pleasantly surprised by it! I always forget how good M Night's older stuff is. This movie focuses on a family trying to cope with the death of their mother and looming alien invasion. A very sweet movie about loss that never gets too intense but has enough thrills to stay fun and entertaining.

Big Eden (2000) dir. Thomas Bezucha

American Psycho (2000) dir. Mary Harron

I like when he's naked and has the chainsaw it's my favorite part of the movie.

But I'm a Cheerleader (2000) dir. Jamie Babbit

This was a favorite of mine and my roommates when we were in college together. We watched it two or three times as a group because we loved showing it to people. A cute and sweet LGBT movie.

The Matrix (1999) dir. The Watchowskis

I watch this to fall asleep almost every night so needless to say I've seen the matrix. More timeless than the 90s and pretty damn perfect.

Starship Troopers (1997) dir. Paul Verhoeven

This movie is crazy there's bugs everywhere.

Happy Together (1997) dir. Wong Kar-wai

Very sad very bittersweet movie.

In the Mouth of Madness (1994) dir. John Carpenter

That's not the only mouth I'm in the madness of. The double feature of Sam Neill going crazy continues in this movie where a Stephen King offshoot has taken control of reality through his writing. I think Sam Neill does such a good job of being crazy he's so sexy when he's crazy.

Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991) dir. James Cameron

It's Terminator 2 what isn't there to like.

Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990) dir. Joe Dante

Don't even watch the first Gremlins, skip straight to this and vibe.

Tetsuo The Iron Man (1988) dir. Shinya Tsukamoto

The closest a film has ever come to portraying what it feels like to get a migraine.

They Live (1988) dir. John Carpenter

Watched this relatively recently and it was really good. That was real.

Robocop (1987) dir. Paul Verhoeven

Evil Dead 2 (1987) dir. Sam Raimi

The Lost Boys (1987) dir. Joel Schumacher

What if some fashionable vampires flew around and turned your brother into a vampire? I would be pissed they didn't turn me. Kiefer Sutherland is so sexy in this movie.

Miami Connection (1987) dir. Y.K. Kim

Filmed in the 80's and a massive flop on release, Miami Connection was picked up for re-release in 2012 by Drafthouse Films and has been loved ever since as a cult classic. It's important to know that Y.K. Kim, the director, producer, writer, and actor is a martial artist who owns a successful Taekwondo business in Orlando. Most of the actors are students of his, which explains why the action isn't hid in editing and is pretty fun to watch. The catch is that almost all of the dialogue is improvised and the editing is practically nonsensical for most of the runtime.

Clue (1985) dir. Jonathan Lynn

Come and See (1985) dir. Elem Klimov

Posession (1983) dir. Andrzej Zulawski

Sam Neill is so sexy and weird and offputting in this movie. This was another movie where I watched it and didn't really think anything of it and then maybe a week later realized I might be obsessed with it.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975) dir. Jim Sharman

Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975) dir. Terry Gilliam + Terry Jones

Eraserhead (1977) dir. David Lynch

The holy grail of weird baby movies. I think this might've been one of the first David Lynch movies I watched after Twin Peaks. What followed is what I've dubbed the Eraserhead Effect: where I hated this movie for the first 12 hours after watching it but I kept thinking about it, and then a mere few hours later realized I might love it. As it goes with experimental cinema. I can't promise you'll enjoy it but it'll definitely be like nothing you've seen before. Probably my favorite movie to make other people watch.

Scanners (1981) Dir. David Cronenberg

Scanners is really hard to review because it feels like two separate movies. The first half of it is very interesting and engaging with some fun world building to boot, but once you hit the halfway mark it becomes apparent they were running out of budget. Which is a shame because that first half is great! It's crazy to think two years later Cronenberg would come out with Videodrome.

Regardless, I can't fault an 80s horror movie for being a bit shit. It's worth it alone for that head explosion, and clearly I liked it enough to take it as a username here. SCANNERS!

Videodrome (1983) dir. David Cronenberg

I love Videodrome. I know people say you shouldn't say you like a movie in reviews, but I love, love, love, love videodrome. I'm obsessed with how weird and offputting Max Renn is. It's so creative and visually striking, you'll be thinking about the stomach slit and phallic gun for days, at least, if you're me.

Stop Making Sense (1984) dir. Jonathan Demme

Dune (1984) dir. David Lynch

True Stories (1986) dir. David Byrne

The Fly (1986) dir. David Cronenberg

Blue Velvet (1986) dir. David Lynch

Dead Ringers (1988) dir. David Cronenberg

Naked Lunch (1991) dir. David Cronenberg

This happened to me once (I hallucinated a bug).

Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me (1992) dir. David Lynch

Crash (1996) dir. David Cronenberg

Cronenberg is great at making movies just solid enough that I don't really care when it gets boring. There's eleven car sex scenes in this movie, and two of them are gay! I love movies where people are offputting and weird and obsessed with machinery getting hot and sexual and exploding. I didn't say that.

Mulholland Drive (2001) dir. David Lynch

Crimes of the Future (2022) dir. David Cronenberg

I have so much I want to say about this one, but I don't want to type all of that right now. Plastic is my favorite snack.

Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2010) dir. James Nguyen

Some angry birds kill climate change deniers. The birds also just so happen to be floating gifs.

Flatland: a Romance of Many Dimensions (2007) dir. Ladd Ehlinger Jr

This movie is about shapes killing each other. Women are lines and kill people by screaming. A Sphere comes to flatland to bring a 2D object into a 3D world. A Square has a full mental break because of it. The economy is in shambles.

The Boxer's Omen (1983) dir. Kuei Chih-Hung

This movie is about throwing up and eating your throw up to throw up a monster which will birth a new monster which will throw up and die and the previous monster will eat the throw up and then turn into a beautiful woman and then die and birth some men wearing spandex who eat her and then throw up three lovely dinosaurs who immediately get killed.

It's also about becoming a monk to get revenge on a boxer who beat the shit out of your brother.

Digimon X Evolution (2005) dir. Hiroyuki Kakudō

The first (and only) completely CG digimon movie without any human supporting characters. This movie is just about digimon!

Digimon: Island of the Lost Digimon (2002) dir. Takahiro Imamura

Digimon Adventure 02: Diaboromon Strikes Back (2001) dir. Hiroyuki Kakuduo